A Sober Girl in an Alcohol Fueled World

I’m an alcoholic. Do I post memes about getting drunk? Yes, because they’re funny. Do I go to bars? Also yes, because I have willpower of steel. But I’m an alcoholic. I used to drink A LOT. Lost my husband, lost my kids, lost my home. It’s a wonder I never got pulled over the way I drove. I was a total mess. Then one day I was at the doctor and he said if I drink again there is a fifty percent chance I won’t wake up. Went to AA that night, haven’t had a drink since.

I still went to bars the whole first year of my sobriety. Drank cranberry and sprite or Non-Alcoholic beers. I still will have a NA beer if I am super stressed out but I haven’t had a drop in over nine years. Do I ever want to drink? Hell yes I do. Watching the whole bar cheers champagne at midnight while everyone was blackout drunk on NYE killed me. I’ll never have the bond drinkers do. I do shots of water and that’s all well and good but I miss drinking.

Seeing people drunk triggers me sometimes, upsets me. I wouldn’t say it makes me jealous (although maybe it does) but it usually reminds me of why I quit in the first place. My children. I live for them. I live for Ryan. I live for myself. I got my family back. I got a whole new life. A healthy life. I will sacrifice a “good time” for the sake of my family. I tell people I don’t drink because I’m sick and it’s true, I AM sick, but I don’t drink because I value my family above all things.

I now have the ability to be social at a bar without feeling that need. I know not many people can do what I do. I actually don’t know anyone who can do what I do but I CAN do it and that’s what counts. So when you see me posting memes about getting drunk just know I do it in jest. That’s not who I am. I love who I am now. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. Thanks to all of you who have supported me all these years. I love and appreciate each of you and please, if you ever need someone to talk to please contact me.